Words and the Tongue Blog #9

Words and The Tongue Written August 20th 2008
Current mood: animated
Category: Religion and Philosophy

Words, the tongue and Wrath
People really do judge you by the words you use.
I wear my heart on my sleeve and rarely do I keep my feelings to myself. I often times say things before I even think about what I am saying. This happens at home and at work. Even worse I am an idealist in an unideal world. This leads me to talk even more when I probably shouldn't. Once I set a standard of living I tend to try and apply that standard to those around me. Yet I am learning. I have learned alot about words over the years. Lately I am careful about what I say, who I say it to, and when I say it. I am also careful with what tone of voice I use, and I am learning to be tactful in my conversations.

Swear Words
I used to swear alot back in the day. I must have learned in Junior High. If you have read my Blogs I have surrendered my life in a new and wonderful way to the Lord. Since then I have been convicted of the swearing. I can picture myself in my mind saying the words I used to say and it sounds unintelligent to me. It seems to take more intelligence to express yourself without using slang and or swearing. At least that's just my opinion for what its worth.

Harsh Words--
Heated Words You can probably remember a time when someone said something to you and it hurt so bad that you are still affected by it today. It is like a festering wound that seems to never heal. We all have all had those situations where something was said that has impacted your life almost indefinitely. Words said in Anger. "Your worthless" "You are never going to amount to anything" "I never wanted to be with you in the first place" "I have always hated you" " You are ugly" " You are fat" All of these things are generic hurtful things. Here is where it gets even worse. Maybe you are in a relationship and the person you are in love with finds the "weak spot" in you. They find exactly what to say in those moments to hurt you and cause unreal pain. As a child I gained a fear of abandonment, so this is the best way for someone I love to hurt me. To threaten to leave or to threaten to end the relationship. That threat has been used on me in almost every Love relationship that I have been in. It was used so much by one particular person that I took that power away. (More on this later). Truly we have all been on the other side of this when we used the right words to stir up wrath, pain, and blackness. I know I have. I knew the weak spot for my mate. I used it too. We are all guilty. Somehow we all have to learn to fight fair. Learn to calm down before we say words that can last a lifetime, and or destroy any potential hope for the relationship in the future. The Bible talks about the "tongue" alot. It talks about anger, and even states that it is OK to be angry. It truly is OK to be angry. It is how we deal with that anger that matters the most. It is how we choose to say things that matters.

James 1:26-27
If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. NIV

James 3:5-12
Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. 7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8 but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. NIV

That just about says it all. The book of James is amazing. Truly we are to keep a tight wrap on the words we use. We are to be thoughtful even in times of anger. I know when I am angry I just want to speak my mind. I am learning to control this. Now that I have controlled it I see the results. It is a powerful. So when we’re in a fight its like being in a war, and even in war there are rules of engagement. It should be the same in arguments. There ought be some things that are just off limits. In a marriage the "Divorce" word ought not be brought up in the heat of the moment. That word should be used only after careful consideration of all options at hand, and in my opinion it ought be a last resort in most cases.

I have seen enough, heard enough, been witness to enough abuse both physical and verbal to last a life time. I have seen the tongue cause people to flee, and run from churches, jobs, and relationships. The tongue is a powerful thing with lasting effects. I see the tongues wag in churches. I hear church members gossip, and the sad part is the gossip ruins the gossipers ability to minister to people. I just heard someone tell me last night "after hearing what was said I would never want to go to church again". It is disturbing and sad. I hear the words of anger, gossip, self righteousness, and judgement. God is the ultimate judge. God is the ultimate orator. This also ties into my blog on elitism. Those that don't see their own sin, those that can only see the sin in others.. Sad very sad.

Tone and Tact
How we say things is as important as what we say. For example. I recently tried to explain to someone how their actions made me feel. She replied "I am sorry you feel that way" My response to that same situation with the roles reversed would have been " I am sorry that I made you feel that way. What is it I did that made you feel that way" This is called tact. "You verses I" "You" blames others. "I" takes responsibility for my own actions, rather than blaming. I listen to people talk in their marriages. I hear "tone" It is impossible to explain tone in a text format because you can not hear it. It truly is the tone of voice that we use, the context of what we say. I could correct someone and use an angry tone or I could use the same words in a loving and caring way and get a better result. We have to be careful not to talk down to others or to demean people with the tone of our voice.

Interesting Facts The average woman uses 20,000 words in a day. In the same day a Man uses about 7,000 words. Do you get that ? A lady uses on average about three times as many words in one day as a man.

For example you might ask a lady "what did you have for lunch?" Her response might be..

" Well funny thing is I was suppose to have lunch at 1pm with Jenny, but instead sasha took the one a clock lunch and I had to wait until two, so I ended up having lunch with Betty because she always has the two oclock lunch. She always eats at Popeye's for lunch but today its Thursday so I told her about the lunch special over at Quiznos. You know they have those great $5 footlongs on Thursdays. You should try one honey. You probably wouldn't like the mayonnaise though they always put to much on it. So anyway Betty and I went to quiznos and there was this long line, I was kind of surprised because it was after two o'clock by the time we got there, and that's not really lunch time. We both ordered foot long sandwiches and I had the french dip style. I love their Au jus at Quiznos. So Betty sat there and told me her whole life's story. Did you know she has been married three times?" ...... and it goes on from there..

So you ask a guy the same question. 'What did you have for lunch" He would probably say
"I had a french dip at Quiznos" Get the picture?
When it comes to words men and women are very different. Not better or worse than the other just different. None the less it is important to listen. It is important as a man to listen to your spouses "lunch story" no matter how little it makes sense to you. She values your time and your ears. We have been given two ears and one mouth for a reason. Maybe we ought listen more than we talk? Listen and carefully contemplate what you are going to say. Chances are the less you talk the more people will listen.

Lastly... I mentioned earlier that I took the power away that someone had over me.... You might wonder how I did that. It is simple. I used to be afraid of separation, or a failed relationship. I still am at some level, however I now realize that my true happiness and hope is in the Lord. When our true self worth is tied to a healthy relationship with God it takes away some of the power that others use to hurt us. It allows us to realize that all people will fail us, and yet our hope is in a star breathing, omnipotent God.
Put your faith, your hope in Him. Let God fill that God shaped hole in your heart and you will have an inner peace...
And very last. Do not let the sun set on an angry heart, as this will give the devil a foothold.. That's what the bible says. We have to resolve anger before the day is over. If not the anger turns into resentment, and as I have said before the resenter is the one that suffers the most not the resentee... God is good, patient and faithful to finish his work in you. Can we be patient enough to take the time to think before we speak, to consider the life long implications of what we say? I say we can as long as we are in the Spirit and look to God to help us in every situation...
Hugs, Love, and Peace
in Him,
sMitty